If You Can't Say Something Nice, It's Better to Say Nothing
An open letter about unsolicited criticism, artistic respect, and the importance of kindness.
By Lily Amis
There is something I have been wanting to get off my chest for quite some time. And after yet another unpleasant experience today, I have decided that silence is no longer an option.
Ironically, this blog post is about the importance of knowing when to remain silent.
If you can't say something nice, it's better to say nothing.
It's a simple philosophy I have believed in for years. Yet apparently, for some people, it is an extraordinarily difficult concept to understand, especially when it comes to expressing unsolicited opinions about someone else's creative work.
Three Men. Three Experiences. One Question.
A few months ago, while I was in Egypt, I met a German gentleman in his seventies. During a conversation, I shared my Instagram profile with him. Nothing extraordinary, just a glimpse into my creative world.
What happened next genuinely shocked me. Out of nowhere, he approached me and began criticizing my Instagram reels. The very reels I had spent countless hours creating, editing, refining, and producing. Reels that had cost me not only time and energy but also money.
I stood there, completely unprepared for his remarks. All I managed to say was, "Well, tastes are different."
And they are. Of course they are. But I hadn't asked for his opinion. I hadn't requested a review. I hadn't invited him to become my personal creative director. I had simply shared something I had created.
Just one day later, something similar happened. This time, it was a young man from Jordan, in his twenties. Different generation. Different culture. Same behavior.
Once again, my Instagram reels became the subject of unsolicited criticism. Once again, I found myself responding politely. And once again, I walked away wondering:
Why do some men believe that every woman who creates something publicly is automatically asking for their personal evaluation?
Who gave them that authority? And why does it seem so difficult to simply appreciate someone's effort, or move on without commenting?
The Comments That Made Me Stop Creating Reels
Here is something neither of these gentlemen probably knows. Their comments affected me far more than they could ever imagine.
They didn't see the hours I spent behind my computer. They didn't see the countless edits, the creative decisions, the financial investment, or the moments when I questioned whether a particular image, transition, or piece of music was good enough.
They saw a finished reel and judged it in seconds. What took me hours to create took them moments to criticize.
Eventually, I asked myself: What's the point? Why should I continue investing so much time, energy, and money into producing reels when people feel so comfortable tearing them apart?
So I stopped.
Yes, two thoughtless comments were enough to take away my enthusiasm for something I had genuinely enjoyed creating.
Perhaps some people will say I should have developed a thicker skin. But why is that always the expectation?
Why must artists become emotionally invincible instead of asking others to become a little more considerate?
And Then It Happened Again. Today.
Today, I discovered a comment from another man under my latest music release. This time, he wasn't happy with my song cover.
And there it was again. Another opinion I hadn't asked for. Another judgment about something I had created with dedication and love.
I looked at his profile. Empty. No creative portfolio. No visible artistic projects. Nothing that gave me any insight into his own creative experience.
And I found myself asking questions I had been holding back for months.
Are you a music producer? Are you an artist? Are you a creative director working in the film or music industry? Are you a music manager? Have you ever built an entire creative project from the ground up, completely on your own?
And even if you have, does that automatically give you permission to diminish someone else's work?
Of course not.
You don't need professional credentials to have an opinion. Everyone has one, and everyone is entitled to their personal taste.
But having an opinion does not mean every opinion needs to be delivered. Especially when nobody asked for it.
Behind Every Creative Project Is a Human Being
Let me explain something about my work.
I am an independent female artist. I don't have a large production company behind me. I don't have a team of designers, editors, marketing professionals, assistants, and creative directors doing the work for me.
I am the songwriter, the storyteller, and the creative director. I am the person developing the ideas, selecting the visuals, editing the content, preparing the releases, managing the platforms, writing the descriptions, and promoting the finished projects.
One woman. Countless responsibilities. Endless hours of work.
And behind all of that is something even more important: passion, love, imagination, and the desire to create something meaningful.
When you see a song cover, you see an image. When I see that same cover, I remember the entire creative journey behind it. When you watch a thirty-second reel, you see thirty seconds of entertainment. I remember the hours it took to produce those thirty seconds.
You are entitled not to like my work. But you are not entitled to treat my dedication as worthless.
Why Are Women Expected to Accept Unsolicited Criticism?
I want to address something that has become increasingly frustrating to me.
All three experiences I have described involved men. Men of different ages, from different cultural backgrounds, who apparently felt perfectly comfortable expressing negative opinions about my work without being invited to do so.
I am not suggesting that all men behave this way. Nor am I suggesting that women never criticize other women. But these experiences have made me question something important.
Why do some men feel entitled to evaluate women's work, appearance, decisions, ambitions, and creative choices as though their personal approval were somehow required?
Why is a woman who speaks up against disrespect so often considered overly sensitive? Why are female artists expected to smile, accept every remark, and thank people for criticism they never requested?
A woman does not need your approval to be creative.
She does not need your permission to publish a song. She does not need your validation to share her artwork. And she certainly does not owe you gratitude for a hurtful comment disguised as honesty.
Constructive Feedback Is Not the Same as Disrespect
Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am not against feedback, different opinions, or constructive criticism. And I am certainly not suggesting that everything I create is perfect.
Art is subjective. Music is subjective. Visual design is subjective. What moves one person may leave another completely indifferent. That is the beauty of creativity.
If I ask for your professional opinion, I welcome thoughtful, constructive feedback. If we are collaborating on a project, I expect honest conversations and different perspectives.
But there is a significant difference between saying, "This isn't really my personal taste," and approaching an artist, uninvited, to explain everything you dislike about their work.
One acknowledges personal preference. The other can make a person feel that their efforts are being dismissed.
And no, calling something "just my honest opinion" does not automatically make it helpful, necessary, or kind.
Honesty without empathy can become cruelty.
You Never Know What Someone Is Going Through
This is perhaps the most important part of everything I want to say.
When you leave a negative comment under someone's creative work, you have no idea what is happening behind the scenes of that person's life.
You don't know whether they are struggling financially, dealing with personal heartbreak, family responsibilities, uncertainty, loneliness, or emotional exhaustion. You don't know whether creating that song, designing that cover, or producing that video was the one beautiful moment in an otherwise difficult week.
You don't know how much courage it took them to publish their work in the first place. And you certainly don't know whether your comment might be the final drop in an already overflowing glass.
Words have consequences.
A thoughtless remark may take you five seconds to write. Its emotional impact may last for days, weeks, or even longer.
Not everyone can simply shrug off hurtful comments. And they shouldn't have to pretend they can.
To Every Female Artist Creating Something on Her Own
I want you to know something.
Your time matters. Your ideas matter. Your imagination matters. Your effort matters.
Whether you have five followers or five million. Whether you are just beginning or have spent decades developing your craft. Whether you work with a professional team or sit alone at your kitchen table, turning your ideas into something real.
You deserve respect. Not necessarily applause, automatic admiration, or universal approval. But basic human respect should never be too much to ask.
Please don't allow careless people to convince you that your creativity has no value.
I know how difficult that can be. After all, I am writing this because I have experienced exactly how discouraging those moments can become. And perhaps I need to remind myself of these words just as much as I want to share them with you.
A Final Message to the Uninvited Critics
If you don't like my music, don't listen to it. If you don't like my artwork, don't look at it. If my Instagram reels are not your cup of tea, keep scrolling.
There are millions of songs, images, videos, and creative projects available online. Surely you can find something that appeals to your personal taste without making another artist feel small.
You don't have to compliment me, follow me, buy my music, or pretend you enjoy something you don't. All I ask is that you recognize the human being behind the work.
Before you leave a negative comment, ask yourself three simple questions:
Is it kind? Is it necessary? Was my opinion even requested?
If the answer is no, perhaps the most respectful thing you can do is simply move on.
Because creativity requires courage. Sharing your creativity with the world requires even more. And the world already has enough people who are quick to judge and slow to appreciate.
We don't need more unsolicited critics. We need more kindness, encouragement, and respect.
And to the three gentlemen whose remarks inspired this article: You may have forgotten what you said, but I haven't forgotten how your words made me feel.
I hope that next time you encounter someone proudly sharing their creative work, you will remember that behind every finished project is a person whose effort deserves consideration.
Sometimes the kindest, most intelligent, and most respectful contribution you can make is simply to say nothing.
If you can't say something nice, it's better to say nothing.
Lily Amis
Independent artist. Songwriter. Storyteller. Creative soul.
