That’s why I have deleted WhatsApp and I don’t respond to DM on Social media anymore. Creative and sensitive people like me, need their peace of mind to function and to be creative and productive. We don’t need to deal with nonsense and other people's dramas, misery, and failures.
But sometimes, you have no choice! Manipulative people force you to do things that you don’t want to do. When your ex-sister-in-law who you haven’t seen or spoken to for a decade contacts you out of nowhere because she wants her teenage girl to re-connect with her grandmother and auntie, you are morally forced to play along even though the sudden interest in re-connecting feels wrong and fishy after a questionable history with the person.
As I wrote in my previous post, this is the same thoughtless woman, who didn’t care to ask once HOW ARE YOU?
Not once during months of text and voice messaging back and forth to organize her daughter's visit from Canada to Switzerland did she care to ask how we are. A teenage kid who we have only seen 20 days in 16 years was about to visit us all by herself and it felt wrong.
All that my ex-sister-in-law kept saying about her daughter over and over again was how SMART and lovely she is. At some point, she even mentioned that she would give her permission and support her daughter - who hasn't finished Highschool and is wasting a precious lifetime doing nothing - if she decided to stay with us and study in Switzerland!
Even though we didn’t have a good feeling about this “out-of-nowhere-re-connection-desire”, I forced myself out of my comfort zone. Mum and I put a lot of love, time, thought, energy, and effort into being the best hosts for my teenage niece. In truth, we were welcoming, organizing, and booking sightseeing for a complete stranger. I thought it and I even said it out loud repeatedly; we are picking up a complete stranger from the airport. I don’t know why I haven’t paid more attention to my reservation, doubts, and uncomfortable feelings and just said NO. No, because you have ignored us for two decades. No, because we don’t know your child. No, because she has dropped school. No, because she is a stranger. NO! NO! NO!
The arrival day came. Mum and I were positive, and optimistic despite our reservations and doubts about picking up a stranger. I put all my projects on hold and was ready to be the coolest, fun aunty. Mum and I had organized every single day with either sightseeing or creative and fun activities (such as painting, drawing, crafting, sewing, cooking, and baking) to make sure that a teenage girl won’t be bored.
We wanted to create beautiful and unforgettable memories with and for her. Make her have inspiring, memorable, and educational experiences for life, especially because she has been through her parents’ difficult separation and divorce after a toxic and dysfunctional marriage and of course Covid. Also, a 15 years old girl, who hasn't finished High school and has no plans and goals in life and her future should be guided in the right direction, because Education is THE key to an independent life.
After waiting for over an hour at the arrival terminal, she finally came out. We welcomed her with a flower bouquet. Seeing a young teenager instead of a kid was strange and surreal. It made us realize how time flies. I wondered why it took her an hour to get out because we have even seen the Air Canada Cabin Crew including the Pilot and Co-Pilot leaving the airport after thirty minutes. Her answer was, Baggage claim was busy. (WTF! It was obviously not true. The entire arrival terminal was empty by now and we were the ONLY ones waiting!)
We arrived home and had a lovely lunch. She was tired because of jet lag, so we let her rest in her beautifully decorated and lovely-smelling room, filled with gifts and Swiss chocolates.
In the late afternoon, we spend a few hours on the balcony and enjoyed the weather. We showed her family photo albums and some books about art. After early dinner, we watched a TV show and went to bed. I told her repeatedly that we will have a full schedule, so she needs to rest and get rid of the jet lag.
The next morning, I woke her up at 8:00. We had breakfast, spend an hour on the balcony, and then we left for grocery shopping close by. We wanted to get her everything that she needed, despite already having a filled fridge. We were not out for an hour when she said I’m exhausted, so we came back home early.
Only a few hours later after me forcing her to take a shower because she smelled terrible, she came wearing the Pyjamas - that we gave her and which later ended up on the floor - asking me if she could go for a walk wearing Pyjamas and slippers because she wanted to call her mother. I said no! You can't leave the house in Pyjamas and it is 8:00 evening. You can call whoever you want from your room.
An hour later she left her meanwhile shockingly messy, smelly, and unrecognizable room. We watched TV (while she was glued to her smartphone) and call it a night. Even though I had made space for her in my closets, the entire room floor had become her closet. Everything and I mean everything was on the floor!!! I have never seen anything like this before. Such a mess! It was embarrassing to witness a "SMART" girl behaving like this. So I told her to clean her mess up.
The next day was supposed to be her first exciting sightseeing day in Zurich. But she was too tired, so we changed our plans and stayed home. Instead, we wanted to make a Homemade Pizza and do some artwork. The plan was to cook together at 10:00, but she slept until 1:00 in the afternoon. She turned off her phone, so she wouldn’t have to respond to my message. She either blocked me or deleted her WhatsApp messenger. The day before she told me clearly not to go to her room and wake her up!
The girl joined us when Pizza was already ready and we were finished having lunch (while she was glued to her smartphone). After eating her Pizza slices and watching TV (well she wasn't watching TV. She was busy with her smartphone), I prepared everything for our artwork project. But before we even began, she said: I would like to go for a walk! I said sure, we can go together. It’s a beautiful sunny day. We were supposed to be in the city. We only stayed home because of you. Then she said: No, I prefer to go alone. I’m not a social person. I’m introverted!
WOW! You spend weeks of preparation and organization for a stranger who is supposed to stay at your home, and that’s what you get in return! I don’t have to mention how upset and disappointed we were.
Forget the fact that the "SMART" girl doesn’t speak a word of German (even though she lied and pretended for months in advance that she would start to learn the language until her visit because she was obsessed with German history!!!) Also, the girl didn’t know where she was staying and what is around us. We wouldn’t have given permission to leave the house alone and take such huge responsibility for a teenage girl. She went on saying: Switzerland is the safest country in the entire world. I go for walks at 11:00 at night in Toronto Downtown. A day before she told us that Toronto has the highest rate of criminality! I said: I don’t think your parents will be happy about this. She said I call my mum and ask her, which she did.
Guess what her thoughtless and irresponsible mother said? SHE IS NOT A PRISONER. SHE CAN GO WHERE EVER SHE WANTS!!!
So what would you have done in our position? Let her go despite your reservation and worrying? The girl said: Mum, Aunty doesn’t allow me to leave the house, she is afraid that I get KIDNAPPED! I didn’t say anything to save myself from hearing more nonsense and lies. She was not only lying to my face but putting words in my mouth. I never said anything about kidnapping! Forget the fact, that no one will ever kidnap a messy, smelly, lazy, and grumpy girl who doesn’t wash her face and teeth in the morning and pretend to take a shower but smells like hell.
I never argue, so I didn’t say a word to embarrass her. But when she put a word in my mum’s mouth and lied again by saying, I don’t want to go far, I only want to stand in front of the house door and make a phone call, my mum made her understand that she wouldn’t go far with lying in our face.
I don’t know what changed her mind, but she didn’t leave the house that night. After spending an hour in her room making phone calls, she joined us on the balcony, and later we had dinner (while she was busy with her phone) until she went back to sleep. Well, she wasn’t really sleeping. She spend hours on her smartphone. When she wasn’t sleeping, she was having endless phone calls or was watching Netflix or “learning German”, according to her own lies. She lied about everything.
The next day, it was a beautiful Saturday; we finally could show her our city. Unfortunately, from minute one, she was grumpy and annoying, which my mum and I both tried to ignore. It was obvious that she was not interested at all in seeing anything and spending time with the two of us. She slept on the tram ride to the city like an addicted person. Once we arrived we showed her the hot spots and had lunch at Zurich Lake. All this time she was disinterested and grumpy, which made me really upset. So I told her we could leave because she was clearly not having a good time, but she denied it. So we stayed until 17:00.
We had scarcely arrived home from a tram drive in which she had been sleeping all the time (again) when she said: I’m going for a SHORT walk. I told her you know how we feel about this and yet you want to go? She left, and if I hadn’t sent her a text message after TWO hours, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have returned for more hours. I was furious and told her that I wouldn’t play this game every upcoming day. If she couldn't respect our worries and house rules, she needed to get back home because we were not willing to take this responsibility.
We are too wise to allow a disrespectful teenager to waste our precious time and energy playing games and telling lies! For the love of God, even Hotels, Motels, and Bed & Breakfast have their house rules and timetables. You can't just come and go as you wish.
The next day (Sunday) the "SMART" girl didn’t leave her room and was on the phone all day long! She had bought herself junk food the night before and stayed there until late at night when she came and told us that her father had booked her return flight for the next morning!
Long story short: She came as a stranger. She left as a stranger!
When we came back home, we had to clean up her mess. My room looked like after a hurricane. If the walls could speak! And she had the audacity to leave the gifts that we had bought her with so much love behind.
The “SMART” girl not only wasted our time and energy but
also caused us sleepless nights. She was awake and making noises around the
flat while we were trying to get some well-deserved sleep.
What is my takeaway from this horrible experience?
1.Honestly, screw thoughtless and selfish family members! As my grandmother used to say, ONLY care about those who care about you, love you, and respect you!
2. NEVER trust a person, who has disappointed you repeatedly in the past. No one changes. Trust your instinct and learn to say NO. NO to things that you don’t feel comfortable with, no matter what! No matter to whom! Don't feel obligated, especially with people who have failed humanity over and over again.
3. Don’t allow ANYONE to use your generosity and hospitality and turn it into stupidity. No one should use your kindness for their sneaky plans and benefits. They don't deserve your love, time, and attention.
4. Don’t become a social experiment! In this case, we were the social experiment for a passive-aggressive, pathological liar with ZERO discipline. A smelly, messy, grumpy, sneaky, lazy teenage girl with eating, sleeping, table manners, and honesty disorder with a serious smartphone addiction. We have never ever met anyone like her before and I’m glad and relieved that we don’t have to deal with this impossible personality and character. Studying in Switzerland? Staying with us with such awful behavior and zero discipline? Not in this lifetime! Not in any lifetime! You cant send a dead plant in a broken vase and expect it to blossom!
5. Don’t allow anyone to ever steal away your peace of mind and keep you awake. No one is worth it!
6. Today’s Generation is terrible. They have no manners, no respect, and no discipline. The girl missed out on so much because she preferred her Smartphone companion rather than exploring a new country and making new and exciting experiences. Instead of staying for 13 days (or even longer for education), she stayed for 4.5 days, during which we have seen her only a few hours. Because the “SMART” girl was either sleeping or busy with her smartphone. That’s what you get when you lie from minute one. We should have known when we were lied to from the first minute at the airport, making us wait for over an hour, while she was probably wasting our time making phone calls.
The "SMART" girl missed out on wonderful new experiences, day trips to France and Germany and so so much more. On top of that an amazing 16 Birthday celebration with plenty of gifts. Not so SMART after all!
And who is responsible for this mess? Well, we CANT only blame smartphones and social media. A bad circle of friends and thoughtless parents who have clearly failed parenting. As they say, you get what you deserve! She got a flight back home with NO RETURN to a wonderful place filled with love and limitless opportunities and possibilities! But also a home with discipline and rules. Cest la vie!
It is a tragedy how children who go through their parent's divorce suffer emotionally and turn their pain and anger into using and manipulating their parents and everyone else. While the parents play along because they feel guilty, others don't tolerate bad behavior.
7. Mark my words. Terrible parenting, smartphones, and social media lead to a useless generation! In the near future there won't be only alcohol, drug, and gambling rehabs, Smartphone and Social media Addiction is THE NEW disease. When you can't let go of your phone during breakfast, lunch, or dinner and are not capable to have a normal and honest conversation with the REAL people around you, you are in deep and serious trouble! Good luck!
Stay tuned for my next song release MY MISSION, Lily Amis feat. Thir13een! A song about today's society!
