January 06, 2016

Depression comes mainly from loneliness and lack of perspective in Life

#asklily   Dealing with depression

Depression is a serious illness which sadly more and more people experience in Life. Some people realize it and some don’t. To this date I had to deal with depression twice. It may sound odd to you, and you will probably laugh at me now, but the first time I experienced it and the turning point in my life was the summer of 2009 when Michael Jackson died – in my opinion, the greatest pop genius of all time.

Just a few months earlier a blood-related family member from abroad left my mom and me on Christmas after four days of visit - instead of 13 days we had planned months before and were excited about. During a conversation I confronted this person about his lack of honesty and integrity towards our family. Instead of having an adult conversation, he preferred to respond immature and left with his wife and little baby girl without a proper goodbye and had stopped the contact with us ever since.

So I was already going through an emotional crises for a while, when Michael died. After his death, I really put everything in life into question.

Tone & me

Only three months later, another well-known and talented British singer and songwriter Anthony Moriah, whom I knew personally, died unexpectedly in his mid-40s.
He was such a lovely Soul and I feel truly blessed that I knew him and experienced him many times live on stage. These pictures of us were taken after a Concert backstage where he had invited us for a Christmas Show in 2002. My mom Sima had also made costumes for two World tours, where he was on stage as one of the Lead singers.

Michael and Tone, two wonderful souls are both always in our prayers. May their Soul RIP. You both will never be forgotten.
Sima, Tone and me
So the heartless rejection from so called family members and the shocking death of Michael and Tone not only put everything in life into question. I also realized that family, career, fame, success, honor, love and money are all unimportant. You don’t take any of it with you anyway. Also Life is so unpredictable, unfair and damn short!!!!
Tone  Moriah had so much more to give and share with his talent. But he was taken away from us too soon! That was so unfair. Michael Jackson, the exceptional artist, had everything and yet nothing. He also had a family, many siblings and cousins, a life of luxury and world-wide fame, recognition and the love of his fans. Nevertheless, he was seen as a lonely person in musical history because in the last years of his life he was unfortunately more in the shadow of his scandals, rather than in the limelight of his success.

We should learn a lot from such fates and condemn no one. None of us is perfect. Before we take the liberty to make opinions and judgements about others, we should remember one thing: Life is too short and the society prescribes how we have to live. Family has expectations. The parents have expectations.
Once we grow older, we need to do so as if we were grown up and mature, while we are all still the small, insecure, shy and fragile soul inside who is afraid to fail. Some try desperately and with all their power to achieve success, fame and money. Some do it with lies, cheats and dishonesty. Others do it with care, honesty and respect. Some are successful, some are not. And those who achieve it all are then afraid of losing it all again and break apart.

Michael Jackson is the best example. A little poor boy from the lower class, who made it to the very top, but was broken by it. What I mean to say is: I think the statement that money does not necessarily make you happy is really true. If you look at world history and analyse the fates of famous and successful people, then you realize that no one, but really no one, is 100 per cent happy. The rich tend to have problems with health; the poor may have little or no money, but a loving family. In any case, the scale is never level. Something is always out of balance.
In my case I felt that everything, but literarily everything was out of balance. I had just got my PR Diploma Degree and was looking desperately and unsuccessfully for a job in Marketing and Public Relation. No income, no family, no relationship, no Love, absolutely nothing in my Life was in balance. I remember that I had lost the joy, believe, faith and trust in Life and I was completely hope- and Lifeless. So what did I do?

You will never guess! I seriously went to a cemetery and got a Quote for a grave. I even choosed the Location and looked up the internet for grave stones for myself.  Informed myself about coffin designs and colours. Can you believe it? In my age? My desire for death was stronger than my desire for living. I was deeply unhappy and sad. Every new day was a struggle to survive. I was at the edge of my energy and I wished nothing but to die. I didn’t see any reason to live any day longer and I hoped that whatever would come after death it could only be better. I even envied Michael and Tone. I thought they are most certainly in a better place in peace and happiness. These were obvious signs for depression. To be honest, I don’t remember how long it took me to realize that I was going through an emotional crises and how I managed to deal with Depression.

Loneliness and lack of perspective for anything joyful in my life, a life mainly filled with rejection from people (private and professionally seen) who behaved selfish, heartless and thoughtless were my enemies that I had to overcome the first time.

The second time where I had to deal with depression was 2013, shortly after I was bullied in a very inhuman, unfair and cruel way in a company where I worked as an Assistant. Simply and mainly just because of jealousy from female working colleagues. As if that was not enough, I also had to deal with a narcissistic jerk, who was my boss in this firm. My whole future and freedom was on the stick so to say. If you are curious to know what exactly happened and how I managed to deal with depression, it’s all written in my second memoir “Definition of Freedom” which is now available in English and in German.
Why am I telling you this now? I’m writing about depression because especially before, during and shortly after the holidays many people struggle with depression.
Why? Because our society puts us under enormous pressure in many ways. First the whole Christmas gift shopping which has nothing to do with religion and faith. It’s just a perfect excuse for the economy to profit from our stupidity to buy expensive products that are mostly produced cheaply in China.
Than the whole Christmas preparation for the “perfect Christmas celebration” with the family. Let’s face it, if a family doesn’t get along all year through why should they get along on X-Mas? What about the other 364 days during the year? We should celebrate and appreciate every single day in year. We should appreciate each other’s company every single day and not only on the night that Jesus was born. And single and lonely people who have no partner or Family feel more lonely and hopeless during the holidays than during the entire year, which is a very painful and hearttorturing feeling.
And last but not least the pressure of New Year. A new year means for many people high expectations. But again nothing really changes. It’s just a number and nothing else. If we want to make a change in our life’s the number of the year shouldn’t really matter. It’s up to us to make a change on any day, on any time, any hour and any minute! So if you feel any pressure let it go and don’t be effected by the pressure of our superficial society! Love yourself, enjoy your life and don't allow depression and negative feelings or fears rule your world.   

If you need help or you know someone who might this link can help you. Please check out "How To Help Someone With Depression – The Definitive Guide", an article by Nick Stokes @mr_nick_stokes. Thank you Nick for sharing this with us.

Pictures Source: Google

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