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November 26, 2015

Let it go, delete and move on!

#asklily   Let it go, delete and move on
 
There is a say: “You can’t start the next chapter of your life, if you keep re-reading the last one!” But let’s be honest letting go of the past is hard. And letting go of some people is even harder. After the recent tragedy in Paris I realized once again how important it is to appreciate every single day. And that we all should change our perspective of certain happenings in many ways. We must let go of the past, delete certain people and move on. I believe letting go of awful memories and horrible people is in general the ONLY way of healing and growing.

I realize today that just writing down my experiences with rejection, bullying and feeling unwanted, unloved and useless in my memoir “Definition of Freedom” is not the ultimate solution to heal and overcome the negative happenings. I need to get rid of everything that reminds me of difficult times and negative people too.
So the last couple of days I started do destroy everything that reminded me of my past. It’s unbelievable and frightening how many things we collect during the years even though we know for sure that we won’t live forever. I made an emotional travel for over two decades and got rid of old letters, emails, documents, work projects and pictures. It was not easy to let go, but it was necessary!
Looking at your past and seeing all these flashbacks make one wonder how fast time flies. So many people have entered in my life and left as quickly as they showed up. Only a few of them were a blessing. Most of them though were unfortunately and sadly only painful lessons. Building good, loving, healthy and caring relationships/friendships based on honesty and understanding takes years. Damaging them takes only a second.
But regardless of whether some of these people were a blessing or a lesson, it makes me realize how important it is for me to ONLY leave good memories behind. Because once you’re gone, you can’t take back what you done or what you said or how you behaved that was hurtful. Once the damage is done, it’s done and we can’t turn back the time!
So many people have been in my life in the last two decades that I honestly have cared for, but they rejected my love, my friendship and me. They couldn’t care less and act more selfish and cruel. But I forgave them again and again because I always want to believe in the good in people.
Looking at some old emails and letters of mine reminded me how hard I used to try and fight for love, friendship and attention. Even in this year I tried everything in my power to win the heart of certain people. But I’m done begging for my families love and attention. I’m done begging for friendship. I’m done begging for Love. I’m done begging for care. If these people (some blood-related, some not) don’t appreciate me than I guess they don’t deserve me. I’ve done my part and don’t have to blame myself one day for not having tried hard enough.
There is also a say: “If we keep repeating the same mistakes we don’t have to wonder if nothing changes!” One thing is sure. People that have hurt you once will most definitely hurt you again. So why even give them a second and third chance to do so?
It’s said "Time heals". That might be true, but time doesn’t vanish or erase painful memories and feelings. You can forgive, but you can’t forget. By letting certain people coming back into my life, I relived the pain and the disappointments again and again. Whether I want it or not they kept and keep hurting me and poisoning my heart and soul. But not anymore! Getting rid of old items, documents and pictures was a good and necessary start to put an end to my past and people. The only way of ending an endless emotional torture!
 
Destroying the items doesn’t destroy their unkind and selfish actions though. As much as I want to heal, some people’s heartless and impossible behavior will always be stuck in my head. I wish there was a pill we could take to erase the pain completely from our mind and our heart. But there is no pill. At least not yet!!! So the only solution for my own emotional sake is I guess to pretend certain people simply don’t exist anymore. Out of sight, out of mind! Out of my mind, out of heart! I will delete the people from my emotional system like they have erased me from theirs.
Why waste my time, my mind and my energy, my feelings and emotions on people that don’t appreciate me, when I only benefit from good memories and positive people that inspire me?

Why should I continue thinking and caring for people who only hurt me and reject me? From now on I let go and I won’t repeat my mistakes again. I will move on with a guiltless conscious and focus mainly on positive memories and positive people. Which brings me to my idea of starting a new theme in my blog for 2016 with the title “People who inspire me” and for whom I’m grateful for the rest of my life! To all others RIP to my wasted feelings for you!

Upcoming themes 2016:
Which living International celebrity inspired me to finish my first book “Destination: Freedom

Who inspired me during the process of writing my second book “Definition of Freedom

Who inspired me to finally FINISH “Definition of Freedom”


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